By Noelle Ashley, Contributor
It’s the first day of class, you walk into the lecture hall of your first course of the semester: you check to make sure you have the correct room. After confirming this, what’s next? It’s time to pick a seat—a task which should be simple and uncomplicated.
However in actuality, we know this is a lie. The decision of where to sit could potentially be more important than choosing what outfit to wear on the first day of classes. Scratch that, it is indefinitely more important than debating between army pants and flip flops or corduroys and Sketchers (Mostly because if this is your wardrobe debate, someone forgot to tell you it’s 2014 not 1992).
Where was I? Ah, classroom position. We all know that once you make your mark, there’s no repositioning. Unless you derive enjoyment from receiving the stink-eye by your fellow classmates after seat-jacking on the second week of school, you are stuck for the remainder of the semester.
After spending just one semester on campus, you know what needs to be done upon entering a new classroom—which leads me to my point: what does your seat choice say about you?
Front Row
Normally, if you choose to sit in the front row, it means one of two things: A) Punctuality has never been your thing; you came to class late and had no other option, or B) you’re one of those rare young scholars who secretly likes being picked on by the professor.
If you roll into class late on the first day, it’s almost guaranteed a special seat will be saved for you: front and center, spit-distance from the professor. You might as well come prepared with a sneeze guard.
Middle Row
This area of the lecture hall says, “I’m trying to be an attentive student but I’m not down with answering questions. So, I’ll suffer listening to last weekend’s sorority gossip in order to succeed in participation avoidance.”
This section of the lecture hall is a general student population favorite: among some of the safest, question-free zones in the hall—minus the gossip on who sneezed grape juice out of their nose the night before. Good choice, sailor.
Back of the Room
This part of the lecture hall is multi-purpose. Most students who decide to sit in the back of the classroom are looking to: A) avoid answering any or all questions, B) using the lecture hall as library space and maybe catching bits and pieces of the lecture that is conveniently taking place at the front of the room or C) playing video games and/or comfortably sinking your chompers into a fresh roll of spicy sushi (compliments of the Milo Bail Student Center Café). Sadly, that last one isn’t even a joke—what are you even doing here?
No matter where you sit, there will be some sort of inconvenience to run into. Whether it be the spray-zone up front, the not-so-whispery whispering gossip girls in the middle (get it together, everyone can hear you) or the hungry gamers in the back, this is just another #SadTruthofUNO. Choose your seats wisely, youngins’.
